my hands spasm
blue to white
remind me I'm not
the boss of my body
any little thing
can show me up
take me down

one day a tickle
in the throat
and tomorrow
a syndrome—
from freckle
to fester, hiccup
to heart attack—

the way a stray
thought circles
back, takes hold
or a niggling
fear feeds
on itself, swelling
in the dark